Finally got asked out by Johnny Depp’s twin in the mailroom. It took me four outfit changes to perfect the “I don’t care,” but “I really care about everything you say and do” jeans and tank top ensemble. He planned the perfect first date; pizza and a concert. I’m already planning our Tahitian wedding when he ordered the pizza. Garlic BBQ chicken supreme!!
We sat down to eat and I’m thinking that we are never going to even make out, never mind have 2.5 kids and matching Vespa’s. As he shoveled cloves of garlic into his mouth like Buffy the Vampire Slayer I nibbled around the crust racking my brain for ways to save our palettes and ultimately our happy future together. We left the restaurant and just when I thought our lives were over and I’m destined to watch Sex in the City reruns amongst my ten cats I remembered! I pretended to search for my lip-gloss and just happened upon my package of Eclipse gum. I nonchalantly offered him a piece even though inside I screamed, “Chew so we can hurry up and have babies in three years!” Crisis averted, now to tackle the mysterious technique of dancing seductively to hard core metal.
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